We May Want To Be Alone… But We’re Scared To Be Lonely. (1 minute read)

There are times when we choose to be alone. It provides us with a sense of comfort…  a form of solace from all the noise and chaos of the outside world.  When life demands a lot from us and societal pressures become a little too much, all we want to do is unplug and disconnect — be in our own little bubble where we wish nothing can reach us and we can just be… no pressures, no worries, no expectations.

But no man is an island… and no matter how much we crave our solitary time it is still within our human nature to crave a sense of connection with someone. It need not always be in a physical sense… we can all be fine and happy to be by our lonesome, but deep inside we still need to feel that somehow our existence matters to someone in this world.

We may have gotten so used to the feeling of dealing with things by ourselves… We may have built high walls around us and project that we don’t need anybody in order for us to avoid being hurt, but most of the time that’s just a façade we keep up and at the base level we still want someone to care.

We want this sense of security that we get from knowing that we matter to somebody, enough that they will be there for us when our walls come crashing down… when even our own selves cannot understand the jumble of thoughts in our minds…when our inner demons threaten to overwhelm us …

We need someone to pull us out from the darkness. We need someone to accept us when we feel like we can’t even accept ourselves. We need someone to help us put the broken pieces back together again.

So yes…we may want and choose to be alone… but we’re scared to be lonely.

We may want to be alone... but we're scared to be lonely.

7 Quotes for When You Find Yourself Comparing Yourself to Others

1. “Everything in life is easier when you don’t concern yourself with what everybody else is doing.”

There’s this saying that also says, ‘Comparison is the thief of joy’ and I feel like it’s a little bit of an extension of the above quote as well. When we concern ourselves too much on what everyone else is doing and keep on comparing, it makes everything in life harder because we end up putting too much pressure on ourselves. We end up making unreasonable expectations for ourselves that we’ll struggle to achieve and that in turn will just make us miserable and burnt out.

2. “Admire someone else’s beauty without questioning your own.”

We all have people in our lives that we admire… A famous celebrity who seems to have it all, A well-known blogger who has a very good following or even a co-worker who’s really good at his/her job. We look up to these people because they all have something we aspire for and want to have for ourselves…and that’s not necessarily a bad thing. What’s bad is when we start becoming insecure and begin to question our own abilities. Yes, they may have something that you might not have (at the moment)… but instead of doubting yourself, keep in mind that YOU also have qualities that you excel at and will be unique to you. Focus on yourself and work on these qualities in order to achieve your goals.

3. “Don’t compare your beginning to someone else’s middle.”

Our journey in life is different to each and every person in this world. It doesn’t matter if you’re the same age, in the same family, in the same clique… our lives are different. Our stories are different. Someone might be doing much better than you at something at the moment, but that’s just because they’ve started earlier and have more experience while you’re just beginning. Concentrate on your own journey and the next thing you know, you’ll be further along and will be the one to inspire other people someday.

4. “The only person you should try to be better than, is the person you were yesterday.”

This doesn’t need too much explanation. After reading through from numbers 1-3, we’ve pretty much established that life shouldn’t be spent in competition with others but instead with ourselves. We should work on ourselves not so that we can be the best and be more superior to others but so that we can be the best version of ourselves that we can ever be.

5. “Not being able to do as much as others does not make you a failure.”

Failure does not happen because you are not accomplishing as much as what other people are. Failure happens when you give up and stop working on your goals and plans because of discouragement… lack of courage… lack of faith in yourself. It does not matter how many things you are doing at the moment, what matters is the effort you put into doing them.

6. “The reason why we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind the scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.”

Social media nowadays heighten our sense of insecurity because it makes us feel that everyone else in the world is achieving their goals and experiencing happiness… everyone but us. We see our friends travelling to different parts of the world we’ve always dreamed of visiting or we see our friends achieving the goals we have long set ourselves up to do, and we feel pressured and stressed out because everybody else’s life seems to be so much more promising and fun compared to ours. What we always fail to remember though is that these are just the ‘highlights’ of their journey… it does not tell their whole story. It does not show the hard times they had gone through ‘behind-the-scenes’ BEFORE they got to that particular ‘highlight’. So don’t feel too discouraged the next time you see your friend post yet another vacation photo on Facebook. If it really makes you feel bad, close that social media app and continue to work tirelessly on your behind-the-scenes until you reach your own highlight as well.

7. “A flower does not think of competing with the flower next to it… It just blooms.”

Stop looking at the people around you and comparing yourself to them. Focus your attention, time and effort inwards… towards yourself, towards nurturing yourself so that they will not be wasted. Like the sunshine and water that flowers need, feed yourself and your soul with positive things that will make you grow, instead of all the harsh criticisms and insecurities you tend to harbor when you are in constant rivalry with everybody else. Continue to cultivate yourself and you will bloom into something beautiful and great that (like the most beautiful of flowers) will not only catch people’s attention, but can make them feel good as well.

A Beautiful Friendship

rania-niamThis quote was taken from an article titled To the friends who still love us even if we don’t talk to them everyday written by Rania Niam in the Thought Catalog website.

A very dear friend of mine tagged me to the article on Facebook and I just felt this overwhelming emotional tug as I read the lines as it really conveys exactly how I feel towards my friends.

You see, I was one of those people who weren’t entirely blessed with a happy family… and I’m not saying this so that people will feel sorry for me, it’s just the truth.

Our family life wasn’t a very happy one. My parents no longer loved each other but stayed together for us kids. A decision, I know, they did out of their love for us and yet ironically the strain from that kind of set up affected us the most.

There was a lot of fighting, shouting, and hateful words in our home and that in turn made me a very sad and confused child and later on a frustrated rebellious teen.

With all the angst and drama at home… I found comfort and reprieve in my group of friends. I have always felt that even if I wasn’t lucky enough to be given a nice happy family, at least I was lucky enough to be given good friends to help me through the rough times. 

They were there for the little troubles and worries like school exams and boyfriend fights… and they were there for the really big ones like when my mother was diagnosed with cancer and when she passed away.

Ours was not a perfect friendship. We also had our differences and sometimes when life made us too tired and frustrated, we took it out on each other. There were also times when the problems of one seemed so big for our then younger selves that we didn’t know what words to say to give reassurance and comfort.

But I guess that’s just it… there wouldn’t have been any words to make things better anyway and so the one thing that we never failed to give each other (ourselves and our own company and time) was the best solace.

Distance may physically separate us and our busy schedules may sometimes get in the way that we no longer talk as much as we used to but I know that I will always be here for them and them for me.

We are all now going into our thirties. More than a decade has passed since our friendship started and there will be many more years to come. The passage of time will keep on going and there will be years of laughter, pain, frustrations and happiness ahead of us.

The times will continue to keep on changing and life will keep on throwing us curve balls as soon as we’re settled on our feet but despite all of this we will all be comforted by one thing that will forever remain unchanged… we will always have each other.

                    XoXo Roan

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Clarity

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You see… I’ve always considered myself lucky… In fact, I kept on repeating that to myself almost every day while I was far away from home… But it wasn’t until I went back ( to Cebu ) that I fully understood how much I was actually taking for granted in my present life without me even realizing. I was too caught up in my own thinking that I was missing a whole lot by being away, that I couldn’t fully appreciate all the new good experiences slowly unfolding in my life because I was away… because I was where I was and not back where I thought I desperately wanted to be.

Finding Inspiration

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Have been feeling a bit stressed and worn down by everyday life as of late that on some days I feel like I’m just dragging myself along merely to exist. Looking at this photo seems to give me a bit of temporary peace and has made me reflect that I should be grateful for all that I have and for all that I am right at this very moment.

*Photo taken in Mt. Victoria, Wellington NZ