Do not pine for the one who has made you all broken.

It hurts because it mattered… it hurts because it was special… and that’s okay. Grieve if you must, but do not pine for the one who has made you all broken. You deserve better than that. You deserve more.

Cry, break down, scream at the world if you must. Rage against life for being the unjust and unfair bitch it has always been. But when the dust settles, pick yourself up, brush yourself off, walk on and never look back.

It’s not going to be easy… nothing in life ever is. It’s going to be a constant battle between what you want to do and what you know you must do. It’s going to be hard… You will struggle… but amidst all the heartache and sorrow you will realize how strong you can be and how capable you really are of being whole and happy by yourself.

For that is the one thing people tend to forget… YOU DO NOT NEED OTHER PEOPLE TO BE COMPLETE AND BE HAPPY. People lose their own selves in trying to find their happiness in someone else and then become miserable when it is not given. It is not other people’s responsibility to make you feel happy and whole. Not your family’s… not your friends’… not your lovers’ (present or past). It is yours and yours alone.

So take your time to piece yourself back together again. Rebuild yourself if you must, but do not waste away your time and energy in languishing over the one who has made you all broken. You deserve better than that. You deserve more.

We May Want To Be Alone… But We’re Scared To Be Lonely. (1 minute read)

There are times when we choose to be alone. It provides us with a sense of comfort…  a form of solace from all the noise and chaos of the outside world.  When life demands a lot from us and societal pressures become a little too much, all we want to do is unplug and disconnect — be in our own little bubble where we wish nothing can reach us and we can just be… no pressures, no worries, no expectations.

But no man is an island… and no matter how much we crave our solitary time it is still within our human nature to crave a sense of connection with someone. It need not always be in a physical sense… we can all be fine and happy to be by our lonesome, but deep inside we still need to feel that somehow our existence matters to someone in this world.

We may have gotten so used to the feeling of dealing with things by ourselves… We may have built high walls around us and project that we don’t need anybody in order for us to avoid being hurt, but most of the time that’s just a façade we keep up and at the base level we still want someone to care.

We want this sense of security that we get from knowing that we matter to somebody, enough that they will be there for us when our walls come crashing down… when even our own selves cannot understand the jumble of thoughts in our minds…when our inner demons threaten to overwhelm us …

We need someone to pull us out from the darkness. We need someone to accept us when we feel like we can’t even accept ourselves. We need someone to help us put the broken pieces back together again.

So yes…we may want and choose to be alone… but we’re scared to be lonely.

We may want to be alone... but we're scared to be lonely.

A Beautiful Friendship

rania-niamThis quote was taken from an article titled To the friends who still love us even if we don’t talk to them everyday written by Rania Niam in the Thought Catalog website.

A very dear friend of mine tagged me to the article on Facebook and I just felt this overwhelming emotional tug as I read the lines as it really conveys exactly how I feel towards my friends.

You see, I was one of those people who weren’t entirely blessed with a happy family… and I’m not saying this so that people will feel sorry for me, it’s just the truth.

Our family life wasn’t a very happy one. My parents no longer loved each other but stayed together for us kids. A decision, I know, they did out of their love for us and yet ironically the strain from that kind of set up affected us the most.

There was a lot of fighting, shouting, and hateful words in our home and that in turn made me a very sad and confused child and later on a frustrated rebellious teen.

With all the angst and drama at home… I found comfort and reprieve in my group of friends. I have always felt that even if I wasn’t lucky enough to be given a nice happy family, at least I was lucky enough to be given good friends to help me through the rough times. 

They were there for the little troubles and worries like school exams and boyfriend fights… and they were there for the really big ones like when my mother was diagnosed with cancer and when she passed away.

Ours was not a perfect friendship. We also had our differences and sometimes when life made us too tired and frustrated, we took it out on each other. There were also times when the problems of one seemed so big for our then younger selves that we didn’t know what words to say to give reassurance and comfort.

But I guess that’s just it… there wouldn’t have been any words to make things better anyway and so the one thing that we never failed to give each other (ourselves and our own company and time) was the best solace.

Distance may physically separate us and our busy schedules may sometimes get in the way that we no longer talk as much as we used to but I know that I will always be here for them and them for me.

We are all now going into our thirties. More than a decade has passed since our friendship started and there will be many more years to come. The passage of time will keep on going and there will be years of laughter, pain, frustrations and happiness ahead of us.

The times will continue to keep on changing and life will keep on throwing us curve balls as soon as we’re settled on our feet but despite all of this we will all be comforted by one thing that will forever remain unchanged… we will always have each other.

                    XoXo Roan

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Reminiscence

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—- photo taken on a nice sunny day while on a roadtrip down New Zealand’s South Island.

A few days back, this photo came up in my Newsfeed when Facebook did it’s thing where it reminds you about certain ‘memories’ and how much time has exactly passed since you posted a particular photo. This one was captioned “We were just there together.. and that was enough.”

That was exactly how I felt two years ago when this photo was taken and uploaded. All just seemed right in the world while I was out exploring new places with two of my very close friends while we were on a five day roadtrip down south with this route: Christchurch-Lake Tekapo-Mt.Cook-Otago-Invercargill-Dunedin.

It was my very first time exploring the southern part of New Zealand and I was pretty amazed. The scenery was absolutely beautiful… and because I was with good company as well, that made the trip even more awesome.

The breathtaking places we visited… the long drives (with me mostly sleeping at the back and the two taking photos when I had my mouth open. Haha.)… the new friends I made along the way… the experience was trully wonderful and one that I will never forget.

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Clarity

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You see… I’ve always considered myself lucky… In fact, I kept on repeating that to myself almost every day while I was far away from home… But it wasn’t until I went back ( to Cebu ) that I fully understood how much I was actually taking for granted in my present life without me even realizing. I was too caught up in my own thinking that I was missing a whole lot by being away, that I couldn’t fully appreciate all the new good experiences slowly unfolding in my life because I was away… because I was where I was and not back where I thought I desperately wanted to be.

Finding Inspiration

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Have been feeling a bit stressed and worn down by everyday life as of late that on some days I feel like I’m just dragging myself along merely to exist. Looking at this photo seems to give me a bit of temporary peace and has made me reflect that I should be grateful for all that I have and for all that I am right at this very moment.

*Photo taken in Mt. Victoria, Wellington NZ